Ship Wars
by The Eccentric
Summary: Fact: Covert missions are easily ruined by fan-boys. Rumor: Arrowette, Flash Boy, and Robin have a sordid relationship. Despite being called the wrong names, the Ship Wars have just begun to rage.


**No ownage here.**

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><p><strong>.<strong>

**"Ship Wars"**  
><strong>.<strong>

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><p>The alley was dank and a little smelly, but it was deserted. Deserted was exactly what Artemis needed right now. The mission they had been assigned was going poorly, their perpetrator had disappeared into the crowd on the main street. For this covert mission being covert was a little more difficult than normal. Artemis cursed the big, bad Bat for having a sense of humor at the worst possible time.<p>

On the other hand, it could mean that he was handing out a little more trust to the sidekick squad (Artemis chuckled to herself), which was fairly hard to come by. Taking out a minor league baddie that planned to crush a couple of high school bands and blow up a few pageant queens wasn't really something they should be doing. Heck, the guy went by 'Marvin' so even the team was way out of his league. Artemis stopped kidding herself and let the truth sink in: Batman wanted to be sadistic and seem them struggle being stealthy in the middle of a parade in broad daylight in their outlandish, eye-catching uniforms.

That was the only logical reason that Artemis could think of as to why they were assigned this mission.

"Miss M and I are in position," an uncomfortable crackle of static was followed by Robin's tinny voice in her ear. Artemis scowled and adjusted the volume, shifting the small receiver to a more comfortable position. "Our perp has taken cover three buildings south of your position, Arty. Since you're the closest, you'll take the initiative and cover the East exit. It's the only exit that isn't on the main street. KF, you'll go ahead of Aqualad and cover her. Once the two of you have joined up, cautiously enter the building. This Marvin guy is armed to the nines: guns, explosives, the whole 'bang. Understood?"

"Understood, over."

"Don't you mean 'shebang', Rob?"

"Why can't it just be 'bang'? The 'she' is completely useless—"

"Say that to Ricky Martin with a straight face, Rob. That song was a Top 100, man."

"I never understood how he could sing 'She Bangs' despite being gay."

"Maybe he changes it to "He Bangs' -"

"Robin. Kid Flash. Perhaps this conversation would be better suited for another time. We should focus on the mission for the time being."

"Yeah, yeah."

Artemis rolled her eyes at the pointless conversation that had been (thankfully) stopped by their all-mighty gilled leader. The seemingly uncaring response of the team's speedster annoyed her to no end though. It was a mission; he could at least take this seriously. Artemis sighed as she remembered that it was Wally and most things he did were either: a) unserious, b) annoying to her, or c) both. More often than not, things tended to fall under the last option.

"Good. The rest of us will get there as soon as we can. Until then, remember to be cautious. This guy—"

"Marvin." Kid Flash supplied, sounding gleeful at name more lame than his own.

"Yes, KF. Marvin. He's armed—"

"—up to the nines. We got it, Robin," Artemis couldn't help herself. Repeating something like that was a waste of precious time and there was no point.

"Just head to the exit you two," even through the tinny whine of the receiver, Kaldur's well guised irritation was broadcast. Loud and clear. Artemis cracked a small smile as she followed orders and began to move once more. Avoiding the crowd by quickly climbing a rickety looking fire escape and hopping from roof to roof, Artemis was able to watch as Baywatch whizzed in from the side alley. He looked around, probably hoping that she had gotten lost or had bailed completely. Artemis couldn't help but to take great pleasure in dropping down from the three story ledge only two feet to his left. She was gleeful at the grudging look of awe that dominated his expression.

"Took you long enough," he muttered, awe disappearing in favor of a frown. Artemis rolled her eyes.

"Whatever, Baywatch. Let's just get this over with," she proceeded to ready her bow with one of the trick arrows from her quiver and took a step towards the grimy looking metal door.

"Remember what Rob said," Wally interjected, his voice the most serious she could ever recall hearing it be.

"Be cautious," Artemis intoned, opening the door with a kick. The metal door clattering to the floor, Wally's groan of irritation, and a marching band's rendition of 'Poker Face' seemed to occur all at once. "Got it."

Lucky for the two heroes, the marching band won out and the rest of the noise went unnoticed.

With a small smirk Artemis bound up the three steps and crept into the building. Wally followed with less grace and merely walked lazily behind, a flat look on his own face. Normally, the two of them would have trouble being quiet in one another's presence, but after the last time they had fought on a mission and put themselves in danger they would probably never do it again. Batman could be far more intimidating than what he was on a daily bases. The two practically ignored each other's presence as they made their way up the first flight of stairs, but the ignorance was broken half way into the uneventful sweep of the current floor.

"I don't think they ever told us where this guy even is in the building," Artemis groaned after the tedious sweep of the floor space.

"Marvin?" Wally's voice was happy once more at the use of the man's name. Artemis had her back turned from the speedster and was thankful for the fact because her mouth twitched upward in a short grin. Marvin really was a funny name.

"Yes, Kid Idiot. Marvin. The guy that's going to blow up the beauty queens," She knew that would shut him up.

"I don't know why someone would do such a thing. Seriously. Beautiful people are hard to come by these days. We are becoming a very rare breed," Artemis groaned as her attempt to silence the speedster backfired. He was moaning like he was on one of those day time soaps her mother had come to love.

"Really, Baywatch? 'We'?" Artemis scoffed and continued on with the sweep. They got through the rest of the first floor and were finishing up the second when Wally chose to reply to the archer.

"Yes. We are a dying breed, but I wouldn't expect someone like you to understand," Kid Flash had upped the ante on his dramatics and this was said almost pityingly to Artemis. The blonde under verbal siege could feel her limits being tested as she started up the next flight of stairs.

"What's that supposed to mean?" She growled out between clenched teeth. She could almost feel Wally's face splitting into a triumphant grin.

"You know, an ugly person," he spoke as though it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"I'm not ugly, Baywatch," after a deep breath, Artemis was able to say this in an even and calm tone.

"Really? Could've fooled me. In fact, I'm pretty sure you're fooling the whole world," Wally chuckled at his own joke. Artemis decided that it would be best not to reply and surveyed the empty third floor of the build with a frown and furrowed brow.

It was empty. Completely empty. The large, sole room on the top floor had no furniture or persons present. The vaulted ceiling was slant and the beams were beginning to rot, but there was nothing else of notice. Artemis was watchful as she joined Kid Flash at the large window overlooking the parade. He was pointing excitedly at some float and she continued to survey the room, the grip on her bow still tight.

"So the Bat sent us on a wild goose chase then? We should radio the others and go home," Wally hadn't taken his eyes from the window once as he spoke.

"Negative. Aqualad will still want to check the place out," Artemis paused at a low creak from above. "So it's pointless to meet up with them."

"Man, they're throwing out candy!" Wally whined, pointing down at the street below and Artemis allowed herself a short glance and an eye roll.

Those few seconds were just enough time for a weighted net to be shot their way. Artemis was able to shoot off one arrow before the net wrapped around them, pushing them close together, and threw them through the window.

Their landing was soft and cushy, but their escape from the rope net was a little more difficult. Eventually they untangled themselves from the net and moved away from each other quickly. They found themselves on a float.

In the middle of the parade.

People lining the streets, staring.

During a covert operation.

Batman was going to kill them.

The float they had landed on had stopped, delaying the participants behind them in the lineup. The actual float consisted of mattresses. Quite a few mattresses, at that. The two kids and the few adults on the float were huddled together, shock on their faces. Artemis wasn't sure exactly what they were supposed to do in a situation such as this, so she made a quick bee-line for the nearest edge of the float. Out of the corner of her eye she could see Wally standing there, goofy grin on his face, doing absolutely nothing. With two quick strides, she was next to him and grabbing his forearm tightly, pulling him off the float.

That's when all hell broke loose.

"Oh dear heavens! I knew it! Flash Boy and Arrowette have a thing!" the shrill scream of a middle aged woman stopped the two in their tracks. Artemis quickly dropped her grip on the speedster and moved away from him fast enough that even he would be impressed. That is, he would be if he wasn't staring in the direction of the voice, utter shock on his face.  
>"They're so cute together!"<p>

"She's kind of manly though! She should really wear a skirt!"

"Personally, I think Flash Jr. and Green Arrow's old sidekick would be much...better together."

"Oh! We can call them 'Flash Arrow'! How perfect a ship name is that?"

_'Ship? What the heck is a ship?'_' Artemis thought as she stood there, unable to do much of anything. Wally had taken it upon himself to rebuke the fans.

"I'm Kid Flash!...she is really manly!...Wait! Red Arrow is a dude, you people are sick!" Artemis refrained from putting her face into her hands instead choosing to grab the idiot and dash. Unfortunately, she grabbed his hand.

Cameras began flashing.

"Let's go, Kid Idiot! We have to get out of here," Artemis hissed at the red head in annoyance.

"Artemis. Kid Flash. Come in. What's going on? There's a huge commotion in front of our perp's position. Did something happen?" Robin's voice was gleeful in her ear and she didn't need to see him to know that he had that stupid, knowing smirk on his face.

"Marvin," she spat the name angrily. "Caught us in a weighted net. There was a window behind us because some idiot just had to watch the parade. You finish the rest."

"Artemis. You and Kid Flash have blown our covert cover, we must retreat. The Batman will no doubt be very unhappy," Kaldur's voice was reprimanding, but she rolled her eyes as she began to push past the people surrounding them. All of a sudden, people switched their focus to something above their heads. Artemis couldn't help but to hope that it had been Marvin tripping out that damned window.

Instead of the satisfying 'splat' she had hoped for she heard the softest 'thud' behind them. That was definitely not Marvin. Immediately the fans began screeching again.

"It's the Boy Wonder!"

"Ahhhhh! He's probably here to take back what's his! He and Arrowette are in loooooove!"

"No way! He's with Flash Boy, don't be stupid. He's gonna kick Arrowhead's ass for taking his man!"

"She could take him! He's totally scrawny!"  
>"And she's totally manly!"<p>

"Oh please, do you see her hair? If she's not girly, then I don't know what is!"

"Obviously you're an idiot! Flash Boy and Robin all the way!"

"Arrobin is so much better!"

"What the hell is a Arrobin?"

"A sad knockoff of Flash Arrow, which is the best!"

"Oh! That is it. I'm kicking your ass!"

The Boy Wonder chose that moment to move towards them, disbelief on his face. Civilians were starting to become angrier with one another and their attention was no longer on the heroes.

"We had better get out of here," Robin spoke quickly, grabbing Artemis's arm and pulling her towards an alley. She in turn still had her grip on Wally's hand and tugged him along impatiently. The crowd quieted once more and she waited to hear them begin their rants about another hero's appearance, but no such luck.

"Oh gods! Ménage à trois**,**" this stopped Robin in his tracks, while it made Artemis hurry her pace. She stepped around Robin and took the lead, quickening their swift walk to a full out run.

"A threesome between sidekicks? That's so hot!"

"You mean wrong! Those are only kids!"

"I bet she's a Dom. She's really domineering looking."

"What I would give to be young and promiscuous again..."

"Leather and a whip would really suit her."

"I'll bet she's the kinky type too. Those boys are lucky."

"We need to leave. Right now," Artemis growled, pushing a chattering man aside a little more roughly than necessary with her shoulder. Darting through the crowd, blocking out the comments of lewd fans. Busting through the wall of civilians after pushing far more little old ladies out of the way than was good for her karma, she released her grip on Wally and pulled her arm from Robin's grip and continued running. Entering the alley, she could hear the footfalls of her two teammates behind her. They followed her lead out of the alley and into another abandoned building across the empty street. The yelling of the seemingly crazed fanboys and girls was a mere murmur after they closed the heavy metal door.

"Stupid Marvin," Wally mumbled under his breath. Artemis almost agreed aloud.

"Batman is going to kill us," Robin sighed as he began tapping on his wrist comm. "I'm sending our location to the Bio-ship's computer. Artemis, try to get Miss Martian on the radio. Tell her this mission is a failure."

"Well when know who wears the pants when Aqualad's not around," Wally quipped to himself. Artemis rolled her eyes and began fiddling with the small radio in her ear.

"Miss Martian, are you there?" Artemis spoke softly into the mic pinned to the neck of her uniform, before hastily adding, "Over."

"Artemis! Where are you three? Superboy and Aqualad have apprehended Marvin and turned him over to the authorities, but there seems to be a riot of some kind in the street! The civilians have been yelling about 'Flash Arrows'," Megan's voice was calming to Artemis's frazzling nerves. She took a deep breath and walked a little further into the dark room they had ducked into.

"Robin just sent our coordinates to the Bio-ship and the...er...riot is a long story. We'll explain later," Artemis omitted the traditional 'over' this time with a sigh.

"We'll be on our way soon. Over and out."

"They're on their way," Artemis called over to the other two, turning back to them. She found them whispering amongst themselves, stopping abruptly when she spoke. She decided she didn't want to know, muttering under her breath, "Idiots."

"So Arty. You're jealous of mine and KF's bromance, huh?"

"Actually, I'm not. I'd like that 'mance' to stay far away from me," Artemis retorted to the younger boy's statement as she leaned against the wall, waiting for Miss Martian to announce their arrival.

"Hey, good one!" Robin laughed and dropped the topic.

"So Arty," Wally started, shooting a glare at his friend before turning back to the archer and waggling his eyebrows at her. "Whips and leather, huh?"

"Thirteen year old lover, Wally? I'm disappointed in you," Artemis smirked as Wally's morphed into disgust.

"Pft, yeah right. He wishes," the Boy Wonder added playfully as he tapped on his comm.

"No way, man. That's just...ew," sticking his tongue out was the best Wally could do in response.

"It's okay, KF. You and Arty over there had the best ship name anyways," Robin patted his friend's back. "I mean, even if they weren't based off of your actual hero names. Flash Arrow all the way."

"Ugh, don't even start that," Artemis groaned, a scowl marring her features.

"Hm...How about 'Artelash' for you two? That seems like an okay name," Robin closed his comm and tapped his chin in mock concentration. "At least your super-names. I personally like Waltermis though."

"No cool, man!"

"Waltermis? Really? I like Wall-Art better," once Artemis had said it, both boys stared at her as though she had grown another head. They both opened their mouths to question her sanity when the radio in her ear crackled to life.

"We're on the roof, Artemis," Miss Martian's voice informed her.

"Copy. We're on our way. Over and out," without informing the two that their ride was waiting, Artemis set off up the stairs. The boys got the hint and began trekking up the five flights behind her.

"So why Wall-Art? Warming up to the idea of, KF, or something?" Robin nudged her teasingly, while Kid Flash looked like a deer caught in headlights behind him. Stopping at the door to the roof, Artemis grinned and pushed it open. The sight of the Bio-ship was welcome.

"Nope. Flash Boy back there would end up pinned to a wall somewhere if that ever began to happened. It's only fitting to describe the outcome. Green Arrow would never allow it," Artemis grinned at the boy. "And neither would I."

Wally's face was disgruntled as they entered the Bio-ship, but his mouth stayed silent. For that, Artemis was thankful. They took their seats as the other three members of the team stared at them and all in all the situation was awkward. They had ruined a covert mission by getting pulled out a window into the middle of a parade.

Oh, and possibly created a riot powered by rabid fans.

"So the commotion in the street," Megan began, eyes peeking at Wally then Robin. "What caused that."  
>"Oh, that was just the start of the shipping wars," Robin answered casually, cackling a moment later as he found something of interest on his wrist comm.<p>

No one on the team bothered to ask what he meant by a 'shipping war' as it should have been obvious, albeit slightly out of place. After they arrived back at Mount Justice, received the blunt of Batman's harshness, and settled into the couch for a little relaxation, the television was switched to the news and they quickly found out the meaning of the fan-phrase.

Megan immediately pulled Artemis out of the room to berate her for the inappropriateness of her relationship with Robin and Wally. It took Artemis three hours to get away from the Martian.

The Martian still preaches at the archer when she sees her about the immoral relationship that doesn't even exist.

Wally and Robin never say anything, just sit back and laugh.

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><p><strong>I've been working on this on and off for a week now.<br>And I still don't like it. So it'll probably just disappear one day and reappear another, but completely changed.**

**Do me a favor and review?  
>Perhaps it'll spur me into writing a sequel to 'Tease' now that this is out of my mind.<strong>


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